Friday, May 7, 2010

Feelin' it

So. We're on our first big family holiday together in Florida. And mostly having a wonderful time. The resort is perfect for us. The pools and beach are really nice and the boys are having a blast. They really are.

But I'm struggling just a wee bit. In our normal life, I have to say that I don't really SEE Ben's disability that much. Yes, we have twice-weekly PT sessions. Yes, we lug his walker everywhere. Yes, I have to be very particular about what shoes I buy him. But his disability just isn't that big of a deal in our regular life.

Our home is very accessible for him. And we only go places that we KNOW will work for him...meaning he can use his walker or we're comfortable with him crawling. We really don't go ANYWHERE where he can't be somewhat independent. It's just no fun. The odd time that we have to go somewhere that doesn't allow him some independence just results in frustration and tears from him...and pretty much the same for us. So we basically avoid places like that.
His disability has been a bit more evident here. It's pretty great at the beach. He's happy to just w-sit in the sand and play with his buckets and shovels. He will do this for hours on end. Yes, I wish he could run in and out of the water like Daniel does, but he's having such a great time, that I don't really think about it much.
The pools though are a different story. At first I thought they were going to be great for him. The main pool has a side where you can walk in. And there is also a kiddie pool that is walk-in and has lots of sprinkler-type stuff. BUT. Yes, but. The bottom of these pools is very rough. You wouldn't really notice it but it is. It's perfect for making the pool non-slip...but far from perfect for a little boy who needs to crawl around on his hands and knees. He played in those pools the first day for a couple of hours. And ended up with very skinned knees and feet. It's 3 days later and they are still looking pretty rough. So that kinda sucks.

Plus, there's this really cute family here that we keep running into. They have 4-year-old boy-girl twins. Boy are they cute. But for some reason they are just serving as a reminder of all that we (and Ben) don't have and can't do. They are so cute running around and playing together.
So yeah. I've been feelin' the CP thing this week. And that sucks. I don't like feelin' it. I like it when all I see is what Ben CAN do, instead of what he CAN'T.

We are having a good time though. That's for sure. It's just that I've been feelin' it.


  1. Glad you are visiting Fla, CaryAnne! I am right there with you! We experienced the pool thing before and also on playgrounds. Poor Faithy's knees were so skinned. Keep having fun with what you can, k!

  2. I'm sorry your having a rough time right now. I know what you mean. It's so tough to go somewhere special and then feel like your child is kinda missing out on the fun or having a hard time with it. No fun. I agree with the previous comment, have fun with what you can! I'm sure you'll bring back more great, fun memories than bad ones!

  3. I hear you... that "feeling" is one of the many things I'm worried about for our upcoming Germany trip. But it is what it is, I guess.

    I'm just glad you guys got away for a vacation. Good for you!

  4. I understand what you mean. At home, we're comfortable with what we're used to, and then things change, and the way we go about our day changes too...
    Last summer Abby used to skin her knees up at the splash park. They have things you can buy kind of like knee pads, so he won't get hurt. Check in to it. :)

  5. just want to send you hugs. I'm glad you got away and take in what you can, enjoy the time together away but I'm also guessing its totally normal to feel like this too at times, especially away from the comforts of home. I wish I had any words of wisdom, I don't. but I can still send on line hugs and let you know you are not alone. p.s. I love the pic of the two of them on the beach.

  6. It's looks beautiful!

    It does suck when we get reminded or our kid's limitations. Like when I see a barely two year old doing things Charlie has never done.

    Maybe you could buy him a wet suit that covers his knees? Wouldn't help the hands, but would probably help the knees.

  7. I totally get it, honey. I was so excited to make Hannah crawl in grass, because crawling has been such a huge milestone, but luckily it was chilly so I put her in snowpants. As I get ready for summer all her dresses have pants to go under them (I'm sure people think I'm a conservative Mormon when I do this - not!) to protect her wee legs. but I am glad you are still having fun, and like your other readers said, I bet in the end you'll have more happy memories than sad and wistful ones.

  8. So sorry. HUGS Those moments can be very painful. I agree with you that in the home sometimes you forget just what you have to deal with. I'm glad that you guys were able to get away for a little while.