The Girl I Used to Be

I just came across this poem on "Our Life with Multiples" blog. It made me cry so I thought I'd share it with you.

The Girl I Used To Be
Rowena K. Lewis

She came tonight as I sat alone
The girl I used to be....
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully;

Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
all the wonderful things to do?

Where is the mansion of stately height
With all its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me...
This slender girl from the shadowy past
The girl that I used to be.

So gently rising I took her hand
And guided her up the stairs
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems,
and precious they are to me;
That the silken robes is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman I am now
Pleased the girl I used to be

Lessons from the first year

This week's "Question of the Week" from the Multiples...and More blog is "What is the biggest lesson you have learned in your multiples' first year of life?
I think for me the lesson was to never take anything for granted. Before I had the boys, I really didn't think that my life would be anything less than perfect. I certainly didn't think that I would deliver twin boys at just 30 weeks gestation. I didn't have any idea that they would spend their first 8 weeks of life in a hospital and not at home in their nursery. And I really didn't expect that I would have a child with special needs.
But all of these things happened. And any day now, something else could come along that will make me realize how great my life is NOW. So I try to sit back every once in a while and think about my life. I try to appreciate all the wonderful things in it. And there are so many awesome things in my life. I have a wonderful husband and 2 amazing kids. We all have our health. My kids still have all of their grandparents. We don't have to worry about how we're going to pay the bills. And next week we're all going away on our first family holiday.

And check this out...don't I look like the luckiest girl in the world?

The Amazing Ben

After boring you (I'm sure) in my last post about my weight loss, here's a quick update on Ben and his speech progress.

We've been going to weekly speech appointments since late April / early May. I was concerned because he wasn't talking at all. In early April, he probably had about 5 words. By the end of the month, he wasn't using any and really wasn't repeating much either. I thought maybe it was due to the fact that he was working so hard on gross motor stuff, but wanted to be sure. Plus, he has enough challenges, I didn't want speech to be one of them if it didn't have to be.

So off we went to the speech pathologist, who let me just say is awesome. At first, he hardly said anything or even made sounds. Then he started to copy the signs she was making and then the words just took off.

As I stated a few posts ago, he has somewhere around 25 words now...it may even be closer to 30 or 35 by now.

He did great at his speech appointment this morning. Said lots of words on his own and repeated tons. And he even had one two-word sentence, "bye duck". I was thrilled. And so was the speech pathologist. She's off on vacation for a few weeks so we have a few weeks off. Then she's going to decide how often he needs to come in. Probably nowhere near once a week. YEAH for fewer appointments!

I have to brag about just one more thing. Sorry, I'm a mommy and I just can't help it! Ben was playing with this ball and hammer toy. There are 4 balls (red, blue, yellow and green) and they each go on top in their own "hole". Each hole is coloured to match. After hammering the balls through the toy, he would then place the balls back up in their "holes". Well, he totally amazed me by always correcting himself. He'd place the balls in the holes randomly and then he'd proceed to fix them so that each ball was in the correct coloured hole. It was awesome to watch!

Taking care of me

I've alluded to my weight struggles in prior posts. For me, weight has been an issue since I was 18. I first joined Weight Watchers when I was 20. I am 5' 8" and I weighed 177 lbs. I realize that I wasn't huge, but I was definitely overweight. After about 9 months, I was down to 145 lbs and feeling great. I thought I would be able to keep the weight off forever. I thought I had it all figured out.

It turns out I didn't. I stopped going to meetings and eventually gained all the weight back and more. 20 lbs more. When I went back to Weight Watchers in January, I weighed in at 197 lbs. I was quite dismayed at my weight, but pretty happy that I had stopped myself before the 200 lb mark.

In the thirteen years in between, I was pretty much all over the place. I know that 5 years ago I got down to about 165 lbs. I was exercising like a fanatic and watching what I ate. The main reason I lost the weight was because I was in a very unhappy marriage. I hated to be in the same room as my now ex-husband so I would hide out at the gym...plus I had a crush on my trainer.

In the last 6 months, I have lost 34.4 lbs! I weighed in this morning at 163 lbs. I'm just 3 lbs off my Weight Watchers goal...although I'd like to lose about 10 more. I really couldn't be more thrilled about my progress, but I'm still feeling a bit cautious. I don't want to gain it all back. I really don't. So my focus this time around has been to figure out how to do this forever. To figure out how to make maintenance exciting.

This is what I've figured out so far:

1. I absolutely must continue to attend meetings. I must do this forever. Meetings motivate me. I have the most amazing Leader and I feel so energized when I leave there each week. In fact, in the beginning, the only thing I committed to doing was to attend a meeting each week. I didn't commit to eating less or moving more. I committed to attend meeting each and every week.

2. The WW plan works best for me if I am very careful about what I eat before 5pm. I eat healthy but not a lot of food during the day. This allows me to have a fairly large portion for dinner and even have an evening snack if I need it.

3. I don't need to work out like a fanatic, but I must move more. Luckily, I just happen to have 2 little boys in my life that require alot of chasing around. They also really enjoy walks. And these walks let Mommy have a few minutes to hear herself think. I expect once winter arrives, I will have to cut back on my Points due to the decrease in the amount of exercise I will get.

And that's about it. When I look at it, it certainly doesn't seem like rocket science to me. It almost makes me wonder why the hell I didn't do this earlier?

I don't really have any good full-body before and after pics but here's what I could find.

Before (September 2008) - check the belly!

Not quite after (May 2009) - down about 25 lbs.

I ♥ Faces - At the Beach Photo Challenge - Week 29

I love this week's challenge at I ♥ Faces. It's "At the Beach". Well, we've been all about the beach this summer...at least when the weather has cooperated. The boys both love it. And it's so good for Ben, since he won't get down on his belly and crawls on all four's the whole time.

This photo though is of Daniel. I love the action shot. I love the expression on his face. It's very accurate in that he has no idea that I'm taking the photo. That's how they both are when we're at the beach. Completely oblivious to the fact that we're even there. They are in their own little world.

Tell me about it

So. My boys are finally getting it. And by it, I mean talking. They finally seem to understand that everything they see has a name. They are repeating words like crazy and remembering them for future use. It's awesome! And they're having so much fun with it.

We're big Baby Einstein fans around here. And not because I think it actually makes them "Baby Einsteins" but because they like it and when they're watching it, I can actually do some housework (yeah right...I really just get online and check out Facebook and my favourite blogs). Lately, they've been watching Baby Noah. They can say: gorilla, lizard, tiger, elephant, zebra and koala. They know that kangaroo's go "jump-jump". And this has even translated to their books. Daniel was freaking out today when he found a tiger in one of his books.

And the absolute best news...they finally say ma-ma and da-da and actually mean us! It's not just babble anymore. Every morning, my husband gets up with them. When I come downstairs, they're in their highchairs having breakfast. They can hear me before they see me and start yelling "ma-ma, ma-ma". It's awesome.

And today, I was showing some pics to my mom on the computer and Daniel saw daddy and said "da-da". I think that was the first time they recognized someone in a photo.

So for my future reference, I'm going to try and jot down all the words they have.

Daniel: ma-ma, da-da, ball, bubbles, car, truck, hat, tiger, koala, zebra, lizard, gorilla, baa, moo, yes, no, up, bus, more, eyes, mouth, button, jump, bounce, block, choo-choo, cracker, bum, cup, Mimo, Elmo, hot, stuck, bath

Ben: ma-ma, da-da, ball, bubbles, car, truck, hat, tiger, gorilla, elephant, baa, moo, neigh, yes, no, bus, more, eyes, button, jump, choo-choo, book, Mimo, Elmo, hot, stuck

Just beachy

We went to the beach with the boys for the first time today. We arrived just before 9am and left a little after noon. They had an AMAZING time! I couldn't believe how well it went and how much they loved it.

It took awhile for Ben to figure out exactly what he could do there. But once he got used to the feel of the sand, he was super happy to crawl around and w-sit in the water.

Daniel had a great time too. He took over one little girl's toys (even though we had our own) and spent about a half hour just playing on his own.

And they both loved just watching all the big kids play in the water.

And now...we can't wait to go back! Luckily, this fantastic beach is just a 1/2 hour drive away so we'll be able to go often. Now...here are some great pics I got.

Ben crawling!

Love this action shot of Daniel

Daniel (back) Ben (front)

Daddy and Ben

Daniel

Happy Ben!