Monday, July 6, 2009

It's all relative

Everything is relative. I've struggled with my weight since high school. For me, this usually means that I'm somewhere between 30 and 40 lbs. overweight. I've never bought clothes in plus sizes but I have had times where nothing "normal" fits. I often complain about being overweight, how sometimes it feels like just looking at a piece of cheesecake causes me to gain 5 lbs., how I hate swimsuit shopping, etc. I do have the common sense however to NOT do this in front of someone who has perhaps 75 to 100 lbs to lose. I realize that to them I am SKINNY. And they would love to be where I am.

Some people do not have this common sense. An old friend of mine would constantly complain about her big thighs and how she needed to lose some weight. She probably weighed all of 110 lbs soaking wet. I don't even remember weighing 110 lbs...I zoomed right past that on my way to 145 lbs (in high school) before zooming onwards to even bigger numbers. get to my point. Last week, I was talking with an old friend from Bermuda. She of course asked how Ben was. (By the way, I never really know how to answer this question. Do I just say fine? Since he is fine. He's healthy and happy. Or do I detail how much he hates PT right now? How frustrated he is when we're outside and he can't explore the way he wants to? How he's almost 2 years old and nowhere near walking?) She went on to tell me a friend of hers (who is also an old co-worker of mine) who has a 3-year-old with mild CP (by mild, I mean the child walked at 19 months...just typing that makes me jealous). And how said friend would love to offer advice or any help that I might need. I didn't really know what to say. This may sound awful, but really, how can this woman help me? Just like how would I be of any help to a mother who's child's CP is much more severe than Ben's?

I can't remember exactly how I responded. I hope I wasn't too ungrateful. But this friend does have some idea of the fact that Ben won't likely walk til he's 4 or so. And I guess it just pointed out to me once again, how most people don't really get it.

I guess my question to myself is, "Would I 'get it', if this were happening to a friend of mine and not to me?" Probably not. So how can I expect it of someone else?

1 comment:

  1. I can completely relate to this, as far as the weight thing and the children comparisons.

    Our children may all have special needs and delays in common but they still vary SO much. So I think we can relate to each other's fears and feelings in many ways, but our situations are so different even though they are still more similar than if we would compare our kidsto a "typically" developing child.

    I have a friend/coworker who is just totally oblivious to the fact that Alex has delays and we are searching for a diagnosis. No matter how plainly I state it, she always says something like "Oh he will catch up" and minimizes what's going on.

    Of course, like you said, I don't know what I would say in this situation, but it just never seems like it's the right thing. I don't want a pity party but I also don't want to ignore that it is really really tough sometimes.