Our local multiples club had a Family Day today. I was really looking forward to it. It sounded like it would be a great time for all of us. Swimming in the pool, bouncy castles, face-painting and a BBQ. Plus lots of twin families to hang out with.
Well...it didn't turn out so great for us. It wasn't a great day weather-wise, so swimming was a no-go. Since the boys are still quite young, all they do when in the pool is float around in their floaties. If it's not a warm day or a heated pool, then they basically freeze. So we decided to forego the swimming part.
The event was held at a local campground...which I thought would be great. I assumed that there would be a big flat field and that's where everything would be set up. Wrong. It was set up basically right beside a very steep hill. And there was very little room for everything. The ground was so uneven that there was no way that Ben could use his walker. There were 5 and 6 year olds running everywhere which basically overwhelmed BOTH boys. And they just clung to mommy and daddy.
I knew that Ben wouldn't be too keen on the bouncy castles and I was right. Daniel was quite interested, but once inside couldn't handle all the bigger kids.
And there was zero interest in face-painting.
So...after 15 whole minutes, we left.
On the way out, we ran into my friend who also has one twin with CP (although her boys are just over a year old)...and I just couldn't hold it together once I started to explain why we were leaving. And so of course, I had her in tears too. Poor girl.
I can't believe how hard social events can be for us sometimes. And I can't help but wonder if I'm doing a disservice to Daniel by leaving / avoiding these kind of events. It can't be good for him to have so little exposure to this kind of stuff.
I'm feeling pretty down about the whole thing now. Stupid CP.
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I understand your feelings here. My daughter has a problem being around people. We always talk about the event, she gets excited to go, but then we have to leave because she gets overwhelmed. She will drop to the floor and cover her ears and hide her face. Sometimes all she will do is cry and we have to leave.
ReplyDeleteThis is especially hard when we are at family gatherings. They will sometimes get upset because we turn down a lot of things, but it is just easier to stay home sometimes. Then I feel guilty for making them upset and for my husband and son to have to miss the event.
It is really hard! I hope I didn't bring you down even more. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that I understand!
Oh, I'm so sorry you had a rough day. That really stinks that they weren't more accommodating. If kids of all ages were invited they should have had more available for younger ones, like maybe a bouncer just for little ones so that the big kids weren't all over them. Ugh, I really hate that you had to deal with that today. It's so hard to get so excited about something and then just get let down.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sorry you had such a hard time there :( Don't feel bad you aren't exposing Daniel to more stuff, you are bringing them to things that you feel are appropriate for both of them. Although this may not have been a success, I can almost guarantee that at some point you will end up somewhere with them and you will be surprised at how GOOD it turned out when you were expecting the opposite. So keep your chin up momma, you're doing your best :)
ReplyDeleteCary,
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is another day with another event. I felt the same way when Hailey would come with us for a bigfamily bbq, everyone would be so eager to see Hailey and she would scream bloody murder she even did that at her first birthday party when everyone was singing Happy Birthday. I don't think this is the case with you and your boys but what we found helpful is to ask everyone to not immediately run up and get right in her face, saying hi Hailey, Hi pretty girl, she absolutely hated this and did much better over time if they just kept their distance and let her get acclamated to her surroundings on her terms. Now she does much better at family outings and she enjoys events like the one that you went to. We once went to a carnival and there was one of those bouncy things and hailey wanted to go on it in the worst way. I was terrified that she would get trampled on. I simply went up to the person in charge of letting the kids on, explained Haileys situation and she let Hailey go on ahead of everyone else for a few minutes and then we kept her way up front while the other kids trampled along in the back. she had a blast and they new to try and be careful of her. Daniel is going to be fine doing things with and without Ben in life. He isn't going to miss out on much. He has a great mom and a great family support system, don't you worry about a thing.
I give myself a 50/50 policy--half the time I try and half the time I don't. No point and making my whole life an uphill battle. And I don't think we're doing our kids a disservice by bailing sometimes. I've been to many parties where the bouncy thing was little kids and then for big kids--not all the kids at once.
ReplyDeleteHi Cary,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others. Don't be so hard on yourself! I probably would have done the same thing. It's supposed to be a fun event for the whole family, and if one or more of you is not enjoying it for whatever reason, you have every right to leave without guilt.
I also think that, Ben's CP aside, the age differences in the kids, is a valid factor for not sticking around. With my 20 month olds, I have to scout the play areas we plan on going to, in case there are more bigger, hyper kids going wild. If so, we skip it. Am I being too cautious? Maybe....but I also know if they''re going to be overwhelmed and unhappy then what's the point?
Hi Cary,
ReplyDeleteAh yes, social gatherings. Bring your gear and get your game face on! I'm with Katy on this one...sometimes it's just not a good day to play. Other times it's great to get out there with your kids, help them smile and play, even though the other adults are hanging out with their beers watching their little ones play chase on their own (and they simply don't get it).
Here's the great part. If you do manage to get out to a few of these things and make some good friends, they start to get you--start to understand the differences (and the similarities! There are some!) in your lives.
Hey--I wish we didn't have to lug all our equipment all over tarnation, or help my child stand up, or be rightthere to catch our kids when they fall (etc)--but you do get much better at it. :)
This is a great post, thanks for sharing it
ReplyDelete