Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Poor me

This morning the boys were playing in our living room (which by the way has no furniture...just some of their toys). Daniel was walking around with some toy and Ben was army-crawling / rolling around as usual. I was sitting on the step with my morning coffee observing. I started wishing that Ben could walk around like Daniel and thought about how cute they would be both toddling around at this age. Then the tears started. And this time the tears weren't for Ben. They were for me. It wasn't the typical teary moment that I normally have where I mourn for Ben. I was mourning for me. I was sad that I won't ever get to see my 19-month old twins toddling around together. Yes, someday Ben will likely walk. But I will never see my boys learning to walk together.


  1. i have these moments a lot. i sometimes feel gyp'ed on the whole twin thing, if that makes sense. Like yesterday we had the baby pool out in the yard and lucy was adorable splashing around in the pool, getting in and out, running around the yard picking flowers, bringing them to us to smell... drake was kneeling against the pool, splashing with his hands in the water and it was cute, too... but...

    and my parents are visiting too and lucy is just so damn cute with all she can do and i feel like they give her more attention, because in a way she is more fun, she comes running into your arms, her physical antics are so cute.... i get sad thinking how fun it would be to have them this age together, running around together, playing more together...

    i totally get what you are saying.

  2. Kelly - you got it exactly. I feel gyp'ed too. Completely. And the same thing happens here with (some) family members giving more attention to Daniel than Ben. Thanks for commenting.

  3. I feel such comraderie with both of you - Kelly and Caryanne. I feel EXACTLY the same way and we are going through such similar experiences together.

    It's only "natural" that everyone flocks to the twin who is typically developing, and able to do more physically/socially, but it still HURTS. I feel like I am often yelling out "hey, look what Al.ex is doing!" because no one notices otherwise. Trying SO hard to have them treated equally but knowing inside that it will never happen on its own.

    I have a lot of "poor me" moments where it is not just about my concerns for Al.ex, but my concerns for ME. Totally normal, but it makes me feel so much better hearing it from you guys too.

  4. Hopeful Mother - I just realized that I don't know your real name! Thanks for the comment and yes, I feel the same way. It's so great to meet other mom's of twins facing similar challenges...especially twin's very close in age to my own. I'm so glad that I've joined this blogging world and "met" you both.